Employability/Disability Assessment (Instructions to screener: Check all applicable items)

This applicant:

writes for hours without being compelled to
calls word-processing "creative writing"
ignores housework
buys books
reads Middle English
asserts that the 18th century is important
believes beauty is truth
believes publication confers validation
claims his/her condition is congenital and "fun"
thinks 12 percent is fair and 15 percent is generous
feels uncertain about the line between poetry and prose
likes closed captioning
will struggle for an hour to get the "1" off manuscript page 1
thinks it would be "great" to live alone in a lighthouse for a year

Poets deliberately withhold from their resumes and job applications the fact that they are poets. You may not be aware you have poets on staff. There is absolutely nothing worse. This list of “poet behaviors” will help you root them out. A poet:

• frequents the post office
• reads books and magazines with no pictures in them
• cannot tell you the current date and time
• claims to have cremated one “Sam McGee”
• has studied "humanities"
• frequently finds important workplace communications to be “vague” or “hilarious”
• brings bearded individuals to the company party
• claims to possess talents which, however, are undetectable and unquantifiable
• says, without context,  things such as “’twas the wily Boche that got me”